Weddings- Why Are They All The Same?

I love weddings. Yet I hate them. Maybe I love to hate them? For one thing they are corny. I don't care how magical it was when you guys met, and how it must have been fate because come on, how many people do you know that have met at a bar before? I don't care to watch a skit or corny dance put on by creepy relatives about how happy they are that "Jimmy" (what kind of grown man goes by "Jimmy" or "Joey" or "Tommy" anyways? -you get a pass if you are Italian) finally found his one and only. Then there's always the cliches of the overbearing mothers in action, the slutty bridesmaids, the drunken toast by the best man, the husband ripping off the garter with his teeth while everyone else shifts in their seats uncomfortable (especially your Godmother who is now losing out on her "little pumpkin" to this husband fellow). Why do people do that? Why would you want to broadcast the fact that later on, wink wink, don't forget, we are supposed to go at it like Britney Spears in heat. In front of dad, mom, and grandma nevertheless? Then there's that corny "key" joke I've seen at about every wedding now and it's getting damn old people, so stop it. (you know, as "Jimmy" is now a married man, the best man will ask all the ladies for his keys to his place back and one by one the ladies will deposit them in a basket, the last will be a lady in her 90's). I was at this wedding where the new married couple would randomly pull couple's names out of a hat. If you were called you had to go up in front of everyone with your significant other and kiss/make out, trying to upstage the last couple. I was sweating bullets and regurgitating my dinner roll in fear! I tried going to the bathroom but you could only hang out in there for so long. Luckily I was not called. I immediately was transported back into grade school where I had to give a speech in front of the class, and my concern was not for my speech, but that I wouldn't faint or have a coughing fit while doing so. That ever happen to you in a quiet exam room? NOT fun. Folks don't do this to your guests! And what's up with the father "giving you away" like you are property and this is some 3rd world country? The same with the daddy-daughter dance. Uh, you are not 8, I'm sure you are at least 18 if you are getting married. This creeps me out a bit. Also please ban these artists from wedding playlists once and for all! -anything by Abba, B-52s, Wang Chung, or that "Celebration" song. You know, the standard hokiness. I gave my DJ a list that was about a mile long of songs not to play and songs to play. He gave me the ol' side eye and a "whatcha talkin 'bout Willis" look, but he tried to comply. After all, I wouldn't want to disappoint my sister, who said, "I'll kick the bride if they play crappy music." Why do we all have to be the SAME? Why not make your wedding unique? To hell with not wearing white if this is your second wedding! Who needs favors? What a waste! What is this bouquet toss supposed to accomplish other than making singletons feel like losers? Where did these phony "rules" come from anyway?