I Love Food!

I know this is hard to believe, but there are people out there who do not necessarily take great joy in food, and who just eat to live.  I know this because I have met many.  Picky eaters.  Eating the same thing every day like a dog.  Refusing to try anything new.  Eating one meal a day.  People who eat (SHUDDER) lunch meat sandwiches. Who abused them as a toddler?

I don't understand picky people.  As a child, my parents always said I was a good eater, and I still am today.  Even if I try something and don't like it, it I see it offered again one day, I will try it again. 

Just like I tell my kids, usually you learn to like things this way.  For me it was sushi and brie cheese. 

Picky people say things like "I can't stand fish" (after never trying it, maybe due to the "smell", or one bad experience) or, "I never eat kale/tofu/asparagus/fill in the blank."  People like this are usually close minded and have been so for quite some time.  They are the same people who proclaim, "I hate cats" (when they have never owned one) or "I would never take a cruise" (without actually trying one.)

People that can't or don't cook don't love food.  People who never cook make me so sad.  Cooking a yummy product is one of my greatest joys in life.  If it is baking, I love sampling the dough/batter along the way too.  I have an affinity for batter or dough. Me + batter/dough = bad news

On my one late day a week at work, I arrive at lunchtime and am forced to eat "on the go" at my desk.  I practically eat with my protective arm wrapped around my food, away from the prying eyes of "what did you bring?"  I try to eat it quickly, before the nosy people comment or it gets cold if I get busy. I'm like a lion with my fresh kill, warding off predators.  Stressful eating is NO FUN.  Or best yet, when I am eating a treat, I get the "where's mine?"  Is this kindergarten, am I really supposed to supply the whole class every time I want a delicious cookie?

I have some rules about food.  If fries need ketchup they are not good. Ketchup is a bonus condiment but it should not be NEEDED.  I require real syrup.  I bring my own syrup out to breakfast in a small container and ask them for a cup of hot water to dunk it in and warm it up.  No shame, I don't want their maple flavored corn syrup. 

I don't eat sandwiches.  Nothing makes me sadder than a sandwich. Nor burgers unless I make it.  (no mystery meat!)  I eat steak- MY steak.  No fast food. Fast food is not satiating nor satisfying.  Yep it may taste good for a few seconds while you eat it, but after you're done, I always have the feeling like "that's it?" I'm left feeling very unsatisfied, unhealthy and bloated. 

 I always eat breakfast.   No drinking my calories as in 1,000 calorie Starbucks "coffees".  I make an exception for well made, bougie alcoholic drinks. Because alcohol is a necessity for people with shitty lives. 

French fries are my weakness.  People who turn down fries or don't finish all their fries (HAND EM OVER!) perplex me.  

Food should not be a battle.  Portion control along with choosing foods with healthy, natural ingredients most of the time goes a long way!  (I'm looking at you corn syrup!)

Thoughts On Signs Of Aging

I walked into work one mild morning wearing gloves.  My boss laughed and asked why I was wearing them.  "To protect against age spots" I said.  He erupted in laughter.  The older I get, the more I hate my thin, veiny hands.  I try to ward off making them uglier from sun exposure by wearing gloves or sunscreen whenever I can.

It's a sad day as a woman when you see something you like then have to truthfully ask yourself, "am I too old to wear this?" Like Uggs.  I love my cozy Uggs, but lately when I wear them I feel a bit...Uggly.

 I recently got rid of my halter tops.  I tried them on and took pictures (a picture says a thousand words, as they say).  The pictures made it plain and clear that sadly, I was too old for these garments.  I'm starting to look dumb in young clothes. But in a way it was kind of a proud moment too.  Like- "Look, I'm growing up!  And there's nothing wrong with that!"   This is a good tip if you are on the fence about keeping something. Take pictures of yourself wearing it and study the pictures. Or wear it for a day.  I guarantee you will have your answer by the end of the day.

I glanced up once in a drugstore and saw myself on a video screen being recorded.  Confused, my brain asked, "who is that middle aged woman?"  I mean, when did I get to be middle aged?  I no longer recognized myself as a young and fun person, but rather as a plain jane, boring, run of the mill adult.

As soon as I hit a birthday these days, I look in the mirror and instantly think I look so much older.  I see new lines and sagging on my face.  Like yep, I can see the difference a year of aging has brought to me.

Having to bend down now entails consideration, discomfort and a groan if I do decide to do it.  I try to plan and combine my bending downs to pick up multiple things at once.  Lately sometimes when I drop something on the floor I get really upset.  The prospect of having to bend down and retrieve it just exhausts and weakens me. 

Putting on my shoes now HURTS!  It is hard!  And I usually stumble and fall.  It doesn't help that I have a perpetually stiff lower back.  It is harder to put on complicated sandals or polish my toenails.    Now I have to resist yelling for help every time I want to put on my strappy sandals with three buckles per foot.

I am not as limber.  My muscles are stiff.  I certainly cannot touch my toes (but then again I never could). This probably means I should stretch more but stretching is boring as hell.
 
I am never able to finish a movie before falling asleep.  I asked my mom the other day, "is this it?  Am I forever doomed?" She answered yes, don't expect it to ever improve.  Once you reach that point, you will never again be able to stay awake for an entire movie.  Now I just accept this new reality and watch my movies in stages.

At 44 I am noticing a lot more cellulite all of a sudden.   I fear what age has in store for my neck after reading Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck". 

At age 38 is when my eyes really went.  I struggle to see the giant TV that is maybe four feet at most from my couch. Now to add insult to injury, at 44 the close vision is going too.  

I am now relenting to the fact that I have to invest in some shapeware, as I feel a bit...droopy.  When I was young and had that perfect body, I never fully appreciated or took advantage of that fact until it was too late.  I just never thought about it because it was fine and I had no issues.  I couldn't appreciate having no issues because I didn't have any issues, if that makes sense!  I bought a bikini, which I never wore because I had no self confidence to wear it.  Oh the irony.

I pee on myself a little sometimes. I have learned to never pass up a chance to pee.  If I see a bathroom, I use it.

I can never drink coffee in the morning before work.  Because within an hour's time during my commute, Mr. Bladder is going to send out an alarm.  I look at others on the train platform holding and sipping their giant mugs and wonder how do they do it?

I am afraid to sneeze.  A good sneeze usually forces your body to contort.  I remember as a kid, getting a good chuckle out of a baseball player that sneezed and strained his ribs, forcing him to miss a few games.  I thought that was the silliest, most unbelievable freak thing.  Now I know this is no joke!  I try to get in a good position before I sneeze where I will not strain anything, but this is not always possible. 

I will now talk out differences rather than quietly seething on the inside, because even though it is still very difficult for me to assert myself as I hate confrontation, the inner seething is actually worse.  I just ask myself what's the worst that could happen, take a big breath, rehearse some things in my mind and go for it. 

In the end though, I realize growing older is a privilege and hopefully we all get there.  It really is a blessing in disguise.

At What Age Does THIS Happen?

Baggy capris that hit just above the ankle.  White tennis shoes.  Tapered choppy haircut.  Seems to be the uniform of every woman I know who's above age 48. 
At age 35, I find myself starting to look at some of my clothes and wonder, "is this too young for me?" Although it's depressing to be at an age where I now have to consider this, what's even more depressing is the thought of getting rid of my coveted (and expensive) clothes.  I definitely would not want to be seen wearing something that is too young for me though.  I like the words of Stacy London, fashion guru formerly of the show "What Not To Wear".  She says- don't look at getting rid of clothes that no longer suit you as a bad thing, look at it as- you're evolving!  And who wouldn't want to evolve?  (except those 50's styles get a pass in my book- gosh I love the classiness that was back then).
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to look your best everyday?  Why throw on a menswear sack of a t shirt, sweats, and gymshoes when it's just as easy to put on a fitted top, slim jeans and cute ballet flats or boots?  And a little makeup goes a long way.  My routine takes me 5 minutes but it's the difference between looking unnoticed to great and maybe noticed in my opinion.  And when you look your best you feel your best!  That's why I refuse to put a price tag on highlighting my hair or cute clothes! Feeling good is priceless and if I can help it along with artificial means, why not?

I Hate Working Out

Despise it.  Yet I force myself to do it three times a week.  It is torture.  I have to psych myself up to do it EVERY SINGLE TIME.  And I've been doing it for about eight years now!  Here are some things I mentally think of that help me...
I often think of a large unhealthy person I saw that day.  Yes, that may sound cruel, but it helps to remind me why I am doing it.  I don't want to become that!  Also, when I am often outside jogging, I rarely see others out.  I picture all the unhealthy people in their homes, sitting on the couch, eating unhealthy food, growing larger, and that motivates me.  I think, "that is not ME!"  I tell myself this will only take an hour out of my day, I'm just going to grin and bear it and get it over with. I used to reward myself with ice cream afterwards but quickly realized that was counterintuitive! Also I think of this favorite quote- "if you don't make time for your health today, prepare to make time for illness tomorrow."  I mean, really, why isn't taking care of our bodies via exercise just a daily thing we all do and incorporate into our lives, like going to work, showering, or preparing meals?  Those take time but why are they any less necessary than exercise?  Why are our OWN BODIES the last priority?
I often doubt the people that say they have no time to work out.  These same people are always talking about their favorite TV shows!  So yes they have time, their priorities are simply not straight.  Also, weigh yourself daily in the morning.  It sure keeps weight gains in check.  Ignoring your weight is not the answer.
Lastly, why do I exercise?  Because it feels so good when I am done!

Rejection

I think it is normal human nature to have rejection hurt.  We all want to be loved, accepted and adored.  I think the level at which you handle it matters.  I can honestly say to myself when someone rejects me, it is THEIR loss.  They never got to fully know or appreciate me, and some reject me without getting to know me at all!  I realize I am uniquely special and kind. They lost out on knowing an awesome human being because they failed to notice I was right there!   If you have been spurned by a romantic interest, just know that that person was not the right person for you.  The right one is out there and is wondering what you are like.  They will be there when you are sick, sad, or not your best self.  They will love and appreciate everything about you and love you for YOU.  You will be inseparable.  If love is not like this or you find yourself loving them more than they love you, it's time to let go.  This was not meant to be.  Except in the rare cases when love comes back.  As in maybe a different time, a different place.  As the saying goes, "if you love something set it free..."  Age and experience really do make us wiser.  I just wish I had this knowledge at 16 when I was dealing with my teenage angst.  If only I had the self confidence then to realize, "you're going to treat me like crap?  NEXT!"

Awareness

We often hear the term "awareness" when it follows breast cancer or AIDS, for example.  Are there really people out there not aware of those medical conditions?  And can you really even prevent breast cancer even if you are "aware" and don't you know what causes AIDS by now?  My point is, I wish people would focus more attention on OTHER causes that are life threatening as well.  (not that breast cancer and AIDS are not important issues!)  For example life threatening allergies.  More and more people seem to have them these days for reasons unknown and yet if you are not afflicted it is an inconvenience.  An eye roll.  And I'll confess I used to be one of those people.  I scoffed when my son was told to never bring treats to school with peanuts.  "Why inconvenience everyone else for one individual?"  used to be my thinking.  Until karma reared its ugly head and my now 2 year old was found to be allergic to peanuts and tree nuts.  Deathly allergic.  The tiniest amount could KILL my sweet angel.  I have such anxiety about it that we don't even take him to restaurants.  After all, if I can't physically see a label telling me what's in the food, why should I trust a chef or waitress with my child's life?  I wish people were more "aware" of this topic and realized it is nothing to scoff at or take lightly when lives are at stake.  You can't just pick off nuts and expect them to then eat the food.  Once the nuts have touched the food it is contaminated.  I wish all people knew to ask the parent before they hand your child any treat to eat.  We hate to be a pain but we have to be! Another issue I am passionate about is suicide awareness after I just recently found out an old friend had been lost at the tender age of 22 to this sickness.  And that's what it is- a mental sickness that needs awareness, not a stigma or "someone else's problem" attached to it. Again that used to be me.  I was ignorant until I was unfortunately touched by it.  And shockingly it has altered my life.  I no longer feel like I am the same person.  And although I refuse to judge, I wonder how so many people with mental illness get access to guns.  Some, like my friend, were police officers or military members!  I think it may just be way too easy if you had an extra bad day and there's a gun in plain sight.  I wonder what warning signs were missed for all these sad victims.  If we were ALL more aware, could we greatly reduce this preventable tragedy?  Lastly I bring forth the cases of women suffering from obstetric fistulas.  In plain English, women in poor countries with complicated labors may labor for days with a dead infant stuck inside them.  Soon the pelvic tissues start dying off due to reduced blood flow and after the shock of finally delivering a dead infant, the woman is left leaking uncontrollable amounts of urine and or feces.  Due to no or much too costly or far off medical care, these women are outcasts for the rest of their lives.  Their husbands divorce them.  Their smell is unbearable.  Many commit suicide.  I bring this cause to attention because I suffered from it after a botched c section surgery where my bladder was cut.  I was miserable for about 4 months until a second surgery finally fixed me for good.  But I was lucky enough to be born in the USA where medical care like this is a given.  In other poor countries, these women suffer needlessly when most cases can be resolved with relatively simple surgeries.  I highly recommend reading the book "The Hospital By The River" by Dr. Catherine Hamlin.  This saint of a woman dedicated her life to helping and fixing these afflicted women in Africa.  Basically this is a quality of life issue for women that no one should have to live with. Simple surgeries and donations are all that's needed.  Thank you for opening your mind today!

Rock a Bye...BUZZARD?

One day when I came home from work I asked the husband how our 2 month old son's day was.  He responded jokingly with, "that buzzard barely slept all day!"  At first I was horrified.  I said, "aww mean!"  But the more I though about it the more I got a good laugh out of that description for a baby.  Hey he's practically bald.  Always hovering around.  Always eating.  Always...there.  I texted my sister what he said and she responded with, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  Again I laughed.